Tony Kisses a Guy
by FatesMistake
Summary: Based mostly on Ep. 19 in S. 1, where Tony makes out with a guy he thinks is a girl. Spoilers, obviously. But what if Tony wasn't bothered by kissing a guy, but because it was the wrong guy? Oneshot, Gibbs/Tony. I own nothing.


People do stupid things when they're running from an impossible truth. I guess that's why I did it, hit on a suspect, even if I didn't know she…he was one at the time. I'd been struggling with the attraction for a couple months, even had a few trysts with lonesome strangers to try and learn, maybe to fix the broken part of myself that wouldn't accept that _it_ was never going to happen. Nothing worked, so I went back to my debonair ways, flirting with and luring every woman I came across to destroy the urges. It wasn't working, nothing worked, but for a split second when I was kissing them, any of them, I could imagine it was someone else and the fire would dull to an ember for a time.

That's why I went for her, even though I knew it could lose me my job. She had a beautiful body, and when I talked to her I could pretend I was still a playboy, not a lovesick idiot craving a commitment from the one person who never would, especially not with me. So I flirted, exchanged some banter. I was cool as ice, never so much on m game as I was with her.

I should've realized it had been too easy.

When she invited me to dinner and Boss called, I was floored, certain I was going to get the worst stripping down of my life. Just what I needed, another reason for him to never look at me with that approving smile he often gave Abby, or Ducky, sometimes McGee and Kate; never me. When he said it was "good", I was floored. Maybe there wasn't a smile, I could hear it in his tone that there would be none, but at least even when I was screwing up I'd done something right. So I went to dinner with the beautiful Reed, hoping that I could still do my job even as I succumbed to the now-constant desire to forget who I was and what I really wanted.

Gibbs called right when I was just starting to get to the forgetting point. It ruined my mood, but I feel I played it off really well. He's my boss, and scary sometimes, so it's easy enough for me to act like those are the reasons I have to answer the phone, that it has nothing to do with the burning desire just to hear his voice. But she convinced me not to answer, and part of me didn't want to, part of me just wanted to continue trying to forget. So I kissed her. It was different, I knew that the second our lips met. She was too aggressive, too much like me, and her tongue was the wrong shape, but it felt good so I kept doing it, pretending that I wasn't imagining someone else behind the full, painted lips.

It figures that she was a guy. Like I said, a few trysts to try and wane the desire in my system. I should have guessed it when it felt better than kissing a girl, like she was dominating me. I know, women can dominate as easily as a guy can, but it's always different. Women are still soft, even when they're in complete control, whereas men are hard, even when they're submitting completely.

I shouldn't say it, it's unfair to the justice system I work for, but I'm glad she tried to raise the gun, glad she…he's dead. I'd never kissed a man before. Yeah, I know, 'trysts', but I'd never kissed them, at least not sober. A small part of me was devastated that my first real kiss with a guy had been with the wrong damn one. So I marched out, did my job, even got some twisted satisfaction charging the guy who hit me over the head with aggravated assault. Bastard gave me a whopping headache.

And then Kate had to ask, had to give voice to the burning question that she and the other two stooges were wondering. "What was it like tonguing a guy?"

The answer came easily to mind: Hard, and passionate, and savory enough to set a fire burning deep in my belly, a fire that wouldn't be extinguished. And wrong, so very wrong, because it had been the wrong one, dammit. So I sacrificed my cool and said I couldn't take it. None of them could ever know why I was disgusted, that it nothing to do with the 'guy' bit, and they especially couldn't know who I felt it should've been. I got up from my desk and made my way to the men's room behind the ominous orange staircase that led to MTAC.

When I got there, I walked to the sinks and splashed cold water on my face. It helped, it extinguished the rising blush, but not the fire that had caused it. Why couldn't I just let it go? Why did it have to…linger? Why couldn't I stop reliving that stupid kiss, and why couldn't I stop replacing Reed/Voss with the face and feel of someone else? And why the hell was that someone standing behind me, staring at me with that damned unfathomable gaze? I turned.

"Hey, Boss," I said nonchalantly, leaning back against the counter with my arms folded over my chest. "Didn't see you there. You done going through Pacci's stuff?"

Gibbs didn't answer, just continued to stare. I decided to keep playing it cool. He couldn't know, couldn't possibly actually be able to read my mind. So I just stared back for a full minute, hoping he'd speak. He didn't.

"I, uh, guess I better get back to the bull pen," I said at last. I pushed off the sink and started for the door.

"What's bothering you, Tony?"

I froze. "I'll be okay, Boss, really." I opened the door, only to have it slammed shut again by a deceptively strong hand.

"That's not what I asked."

I looked at him with a cool smile even as my heart thundered in my chest at our proximity to one another. "It's nothing. Just a little shell-shocked, I guess. I've never imagined kissing a guy, and I guess I don't like that I was fooled into doing so." A lie. Shell-shocked, maybe, but I've _definitely_ imagined kissing a guy, and even if I didn't like the being fooled bit, I could still feel the burn of that kiss. I wanted more, but not from Voss, and not from any of the guys whose numbers I kept hidden in my bedside table at home.

That strong hand landed on my shoulder and spun me against the wall. I couldn't help that my body responded a little, but thankfully it wasn't enough to be noticed. Gibbs leaned in, staring deep into my eyes like he could read my thoughts. Like I said, I couldn't help my body's responding, and this time it was little worse than a growth on my pelvis. I grabbed him and pulled him to me like I was dying, locking our lips together so painfully that I might've actually loosened a few of my own teeth.

The reaction was immediate, and not what I would have expected if I'd been thinking. Gibbs took immediate control of the kiss, pushing me up against the wall and forcing the innocent enough kiss deeper into a passionate and unknown world that made me see stars behind my closed eyes. I couldn't believe what was happening, that it even _could_ be happening, but it was and, oh my god, the man was incredibly talented with that tongue. It felt like he was trying to suck out my soul, and damned if I didn't want him to have it. I had never experienced anything like this, with anyone, and I was shattered when it ended.

"Go home, Dinozzo, get some rest."

I opened my eyes as the door to the bathroom opened next to me. I was alone, Gibbs was gone. I took a few minutes to right myself. My hair was a disaster after those long fingers had mussed it thoroughly, and my clothes were a rumpled mess. Not to mention what was going on below the waist. I got myself under control, fixed my hair, and walked back out to the bull pen. Gibbs was already gone, the box for Pacci's family sitting on his darkened desk. McGee and Abby had left, too. Kate was drawing, probably her rendition of me and Voss, but I didn't speak to her. I wasn't even sure I could get words to come out if I tried. I gathered my stuff from my desk, switched off the light, and went to the elevator.

What the hell had happened? I kept going over it as I made my way to my car, and had to force myself to concentrate as I drove, weaving in and out of the lane as that mind-blowing kiss appeared again and again at the front of my mind. I must've looked like a drunk, but I managed to avoid any run-ins with the law. When I got to my apartment, I fumbled with my keys, still thinking about that kiss. Why had Gibbs left like that? Why had he kissed him in the first place?

I finally got my apartment door open after three tries, but as I turned the knob I found myself shoved inside from behind. Thank God I leave my living room light on, or I'd have wound up hitting my boss as he slammed me back against my apartment door from the inside. He initiated the kiss this time, and damned if it wasn't that much better. I dropped my stuff at our feet as I pulled him even closer to me.

"But, why-" I managed to get out as he pulled away to breathe.

"Work, Tony."

That was all I got before his mouth was back on mine, fingers divesting me of my clothing. It struck me that I should have guessed. Gibbs may not always be the _most_ professional agent at NCIS (as if I'm one to talk), but he had his rules, and one was no trysts between coworkers. He also had another rule that said you weren't coworkers, you were family. Easy enough for the definition of each to change between the office and my apartment, easier still for Gibbs to make that distinction himself. That was why he'd left the bathroom, because that had been work, and why he was quickly going much further in my apartment.

So that was the rule, now, I guess. Nothing at work, where we are coworkers and I am his subordinate. But here? And maybe even at his place one day? We could give in to this base desire for one another. I still didn't know if he could commit, to me or anyone, but as he started dragging me towards my bedroom, I didn't honestly want to care. Why did I have to have all of the answers now?


End file.
